Back in London

Finally arrived at our Couchsurf home in Angel, London. A week in Ireland was great, vastly different compared to the hustle and bustle of London!  Like everytime we reached a town in Ireland, I would be like, where are all the young people here?! Only saw a low of sheeps and old people 😂

I’m so gonna miss seeing the sheeps and the scenic views.. well I’m not gonna talk about Ireland here, probably in a different post.

We have 2 more days in London ( minus 23rd because we just arrived and not much were done and also minus 26th because we’re gonna be travelling that day). And I’ll probably gonna start packing my bag tonight.

How am I feeling? I…am doing..nope scratch that. I’m surviving.. still vulnerable. There hasn’t been a day that I didn’t think about..0602-0605. People said doing the right thing is supposed to be easier than doing the wrong thing. But it certainly ain’t that easy! 😅 haih..

What happened made me second guessed a lot.. felt more doubtful about myself.. and certainly made me scared and wary of people’s attitude towards me. Like am I too stupid for easily trusting people? Or am I that naive? And it completely shattered the idea of you being my best friend.

Okay enough. Mcm emo lebih je haha.. okay Imma get ready and lied down for a while. Bye.

Recognizing He Didn’t Want To Be With Me

There could be one billion and one reasons why you didn’t take further action but the fact was YOU CHOSE not to do so. That already indrectly tells me about your decision. I’m still taking some time to digest and accept this.

I don’t know if you’re acting like the bad guy or if you are the bad guy, with the way you react after you decided all this. But if it’s the first reason i.e. acting, don’t do it. You don’t have to do it if it is for my sake. Not sure if you’re doing it for your own sake.

April update

It’s been quite some time since I last blogged.. let’s jump straight to the points cuz i feel like blogging but i just don’t feel like writing lengthy sentences lol.

– same ol’ boring work stuff. Been working on weekends for quite some times already. Heh. Can’t wait for my training this month
– still hopeless in romance. Or i might say even worse this time :|:|:| i wish (i know i’ve been asking for this for so many times already) i can just jump into my future already.
– my intern completed his training this week. Got gifts n card, which i didn’t expect at all, especially coming from a guy. Youuuu soft hearted dude! Got me all touched hehe

My life has basically gotten even more complicated this time.. i can’t really talk about it here.. all my friends are cornering me around saying how messed up I am this time.. how I really got myself into shittier situation this time.. maybe I didn’t try hard enough to end this? I don’t know..

People say you should be selfish for your own happiness, rather than giving more for other’s happiness.  Because only then you will be able to bring happiness to others (as in if you’re suffering how la can you spread happiness owk? Like dat la..) but I don’t know what to think anymore.. haih.

One thing for sure..you can never put too much hope into someone.. because people will always have their means to break you down. I know it’s easier said than done (not counting on people)..but I gotta push myself to do that again.. if I don’t wanna get hurt..right?

But who doesn’t wanna have someone that you can count on..?  :|:|:|

Kbai.

Sorry

Sorry is the most useless word. I mean what do you expect to get from it? Some sort of consolation that you’re offering to someone when in fact, you can’t actually do shits about it. Well obviously you can, but then excuses pile up and the BEST thing (for YOU) that you can offer to someone is SORRY. Heck I deserve more than a SORRY. I’m worth a lot. You’ve already decided prior to throwing out that shitty word to me (well we decided A then you changed your decision to B), so don’t even try to make lousy excuses about how hard it was for you. It was entirely on you, your decision. Screw the circumstances, we knew it all along that this is gonna happen either sooner or later. I’m worth a lot more than being your 2nd or 3rd or last option at YOUR CONVENIENCE. Screw you. And screw me for letting this shit goes on and on and on. Come find me if you really want this AND if you can actually and are willing to do more than just sweet-talking.